Uber will totally narc on teens

Kids are not to be trusted. And now, thanks to Uber for teens, they don't have to be. The scandal-plagued ride-hail company announced Thursday a new program allowing parents to add teenagers to a "family profile," thus allowing plucky youngsters aged 13 to 17 the ability to hail a car all by their grownup selves. "We all wish we could be in multiple places at once," the saccharine ad copy -- no doubt channeling Uber CEO Travis Kalanick's desire to simultaneously extinguish all of his company's press fires -- tells us. "But until then, Uber can help families with the logistics."