Psychiatry has finally found an objective way to spot mental illness

"It seems like this past week has been quite challenging for you," a disembodied voice tells me, before proceeding to ask a series of increasingly personal questions. "Have you been feeling down or depressed?" "Can you describe what this feeling has been like for you?" "Does the feeling lift at all when something good happens?" When I respond to each one, my chatbot interviewer thanks me for my honesty and empathises with any issues. By the end of the conversation, I will have also spoken about my sleep patterns, sex drive and appetite for food.