The House That Spied on Me

In December, I converted my one-bedroom apartment in San Francisco into a "smart home." I connected as many of my appliances and belongings as I could to the internet: an Amazon Echo, my lights, my coffee maker, my baby monitor, my kid's toys, my vacuum, my TV, my toothbrush, a photo frame, a sex toy, and even my bed. "Our bed?" asked my husband, aghast. "What can it tell us?" "Our breathing rate, heart rate, how often we toss and turn, and then it will give us a sleep report each morning," I explained. "Sounds creepy," he said, as he plopped down on that bed, not bothered enough to relax instead on our non-internet-connected couch. I soon discovered that the only thing worse than getting a bad night's sleep is to subsequently get a report from my bed telling me I got a low score and "missed my sleep goal." Thanks, smart bed, but I know that already. Why would I do this? It was appealing to imagine living like the Beast in the Disney movie, with animated objects around my home taking care of my every need and occasionally serenading me.