How I Use the Internet, According to Nineties Action Movies

An illustration of a large envelope fills the screen--I've received a new e-mail, my first in weeks. I click on the middle of the envelope and a note opens in size thirty-six font. It's a top-secret assignment for me, a renegade ex-C.I.A. agent who can kick higher than anyone else in the agency. "Looks like this old dog is heading back to the pound," I growl, and close the e-mail by turning off my entire computer. I pull up a digitized photo on the screen.