Planet of the Apps review – celebrity panel can't save Apple's dull first TV show

Planet of the Apps, the first original series by Apple and a curious choice to lead the rollout of the company's evergreen content, won't be a fun watch for anyone – except maybe venture capitalists and those subscribed to Goop. The unscripted competition show, which follows enterprising hopefuls as they pitch new, often remarkably boring ideas for phone applications to a panel of celebrity judges, is a bit like Dragon's Den or Shark Tank meets The Voice, although I don't imagine it'll attract the devoted followings of either. Hosted by Zane Lowe – who also heads up Apple's international radio station, Beats 1 – Planet of the Apps is a ridiculously optimistic attempt to make a reality show that capitalizes on people's appetite for the latest and greatest in cellphone accoutrements. In the first episode, which was made available on Apple Music on Tuesday, young men and women, each as convinced of the ingenuity of their endeavors as the next, give a pitch as they descend a moving ramp, looking a bit like the robots in Westworld meeting their makers. Except instead of a jaded Anthony Hopkins waiting for them in a basement, they're greeted by Gwyneth Paltrow, Jessica Alba, will.i.am It's painful to watch these would-be tech magnates make stilted speeches about why the world needs their app, only to watch them get remorselessly cross-questioned by celebrities who parlayed their success in entertainment into careers in business.