Philip Hammond's red box of tricks makes me want to disappear

So Philip Hammond unveiled his big hairy budget. The Chancellor had touted this as an "upbeat budget". A phrase that makes as much sense as "diet fish supper" or "talented Honey G". The snoozefest included £500million to be spent on robots and artificial intelligence. At which point Hammond's eyes flashed red and he started shouting "malfunction, malfunction" until somebody turned him off at the back.