At last – a use for AI! Predicting an England World Cup victory

Advanced artificial intelligences reckon there is a good chance of England beating Sweden to progress to the FIFA World Cup semi-finals this weekend. Retail wonk Blue Yonder turned the awesome power of its AI platform away from predicting how many pies Morrisons should shovel onto the shelves and instead focused its unfeeling gaze onto the beautiful game. The AI, which the boffins modestly claim was developed from techniques honed at CERN, gives England a 55.9 per cent chance of winning tomorrow night. IKEA managers will be able to rest easy, knowing that a UK-wide flatpack and meatball boycott is therefore unlikely to be on the cards. Unfortunately, England only have a 9.8 per cent chance of actually lifting the trophy.