The panic and pleasure of online dating as a woman in her 40s

There were a few things that sent me into a panic about turning 40, but the biggest -- looming larger than the golden ring of a book deal or a staff job or, like, finally going back to yoga -- was what it meant for me to still be single and actively looking for a partner at that age. Not so much even that I was single, but that I cared and what that implied. It just felt really basic, to be frank. There are plenty of things I simply do not give a single solitary fuck about when it comes to what women my age are supposed to be doing. So why did this one detail bother me?