Welcome to CAPTCHA Hell

Some days, I wonder if I'm a bot. The problem is CAPTCHAs, those little online challenges that websites require you to pass to prove that you're a human. When one pops up on my screen, I tend to spend way too much time looking at the grid of nine images and clicking those with a traffic light, or a crosswalk, or a bike … only to miss the one in the bottom-right corner that just barely looks like a bike. Lately, I've had to rotate a 3-D bird to face the same direction a hand is pointing, which should be easy but somehow isn't. CAPTCHA stands for "Completely Automated Public Turing test to tell Computers and Humans Apart," so if I'm flubbing them constantly, then I'm clearly a computer (my wife, house, and cat must all be implanted memories).