Google Allo: The Super-Smart Future of Messaging Is Kind of an Idiot Sometimes

The first thing that happened when I downloaded Allo, only a few seconds after I had given Google's new messaging app my phone number and snapped a selfie for my profile pic, is I got a cheery message from a new friend. "Hi David Pierce!" it said, in white letters on a blue bubbly background. Then another message, because my new Google Assistant evidently understands that you should never send a single text with more than two sentences, because what is this, Dostoevsky? "I can help you find what you need and get things done," it read. One more message about using my location, and then a little white bubble pops up on my side of the conversation: "OK, go on," it said. So I tapped it, the button turned the aqua color of my sent messages, and Google and I were off and running.