Tomb Raider review – Alicia Vikander's Lara Croft is a badass bore

Dave Allen once said that men know they're getting older when they watch Sunset Boulevard and realise they find Gloria Swanson quite attractive. Similarly, a certain generation will sense the grim reaper's presence now that Angelina Jolie is no longer the screen face of Lara Croft, because the mantle has passed to Alicia Vikander. This Lara is notably more serious and sensitive, and unlike Angelina, or the figure in the 90s video game – or indeed Karen Gillan in the new Jumanji movie – she doesn't have to wear cute shorts or revealing clothes, which is fair enough. But she does an awful lot of very pathetic and borderline creepy daddy-daughter pining for that all-important man in her life. This guy is forever smiling wisely in soft focus flashback in the grounds of Croft Manor, which has the same totemic importance as Wayne Manor, always kissing the demure infant Lara's forehead or indeed brushing his fingers with his lips and touching her forehead (eeuuww) prior to going off on one of his dangerous ethnological adventures.