I have five digital 'personal assistants' and still can't get anything done

There comes a point in every adult's life when one stops and thinks: I could really use a personal assistant. The Washington Post's budget, however, doesn't stretch to provide each reporter with a personal aide. But thanks to the magic of technology, I have regular access to five digital assistants: Siri, Cortana, Alexa, Google Now and an email-based scheduling assistant called Amy. It should be a breeze for anyone trying to get themselves organized as part of a New Year's resolution. But, if I'm perfectly frank, I'm really no closer to getting anything done.