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'Gutfeld!' on Jean-Pierre's old tweets, DeSantis' new law on teaching communism

FOX News

'Gutfeld!' panel react to President Biden's new White House press secretary Jean-Pierre's old tweets. This is a rush transcript from "Gutfeld!," This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated. You don't have to clap. Oh, he brought his jacket. GUTFELD: Must have been an estate sale. GUTFELD: So as you know, talking about a stolen election can get you into trouble. It's the equivalent of shouting fire in a crowded theater. Except you can actually shout fire in a crowded theater. Especially if there's a fire and you started it. Even more if you're a Democrat and you're about to become White House press secretary, something tells me you'll get a pass on this. Sounds like the goalie for the Montreal Canadiens. Is that a real team? Well, anyway, she's been tapped to replace Jen Psaki. But did you know she once falsely claimed that the 2018 Georgia gubernatorial election was actually stolen? Since when do Democrats care about theft? But I get it, when someone gets a fancy job embarrassing tweet surface like a bloated corpse in the East River. I remember when this show started, someone started leaking these erotic videos I'd made back when I needed the money. True, I was the one leaking them. I just felt they needed a wider audience. But Jean-Pierre's tweet matters because that sort of thing would disqualify anyone who isn't a lefty.

'Gutfeld!' on woke culture and identity politics

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'Gutfeld!' panel discusses the new'inclusive' Apple emoji, Americans opposing Biden's Supreme Court plan, and the'ok' gesture being'linked to White supremacy.' This is a rush transcript from "Gutfeld!," This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated. I need all the help I can get. So glad to be back after a glorious weekend. So today let's talk about heroes, people who risked their lives for others, people who put your needs before theirs. We forget about this man. The man with the beard gut, the individual who took on the burden of girth, so that we might marvel at its worth when we're at the beach or with letters written on it at a freezing football game or even better in the mirror over your bed. It's impressive that men and women can achieve such unfettered size, it almost defies biology. Meanwhile, instead we applaud those who have six pack abs even though with the right genes and a week of Kat's cooking. And yet gargantuan guts go unnoticed until now. Yes, thank God finally it's here. A beer gut emoji has arrived to Apple phone -- iPhones with its latest voluntary update. This new emoji comes in five different skin tones. So someone with a massive beer gut can be any shade that he, she or they want. Budweiser and pancakes do not discriminate. Now I'm aware this is a small step for beer guts. Maybe one day he or she can be on the Supreme Court, if he identifies at least as a black woman of color first, which should happen. I mean, if a woman with a penis can swim against a woman without a penis, that a white man without a vagina could be on the Supreme Courts provided he identifies as a black woman with a vagina or without. Of course, our racist country would probably flip out. Did you see the latest ABC News poll? As you know, our unifier in chief said he only nominate a black woman to the Supreme Court.

'Gutfeld!' on CNN, Olympic Games

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'Gutfeld!' panel debates whether CNN will change their coverage This is a rush transcript from "Gutfeld!," This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated. I want to protect free speech. No, we want people to be protected from disinformation, to be protected from dying in this country, to be protected from people like Donald Trump who spread this information for -- who love to make sure that the division and the death continues. That was a rough weekend, and not just for Kat. But at least she kept her clothes on unlike our other guests, Jimmy Failla. But it was a far worse weekend for CNN. First let's go to our roly-poly guacamole gossip goalie. See how bad it got unreliable fart noises. Here's Michael Wolff delivering that smack to the hack. You know, you become part of -- one of the parts of the problem of the media. You know, you come on here and you -- and you have a, you know, a monopoly on truth. You know, you know exactly how things are supposed to be done. You know, you are why one of the reasons people can't stand the media. You should see the rest of the world, buddy. Can I hear that chuckle again? But if that was a heavyweight fight, and it is because, you know, Stelter, it would have been stopped in the first 25 seconds. It got worse, meaning better, lots better. STELTER: It's -- how -- so what should I do differently, Michael? WOLFF: You know, don't talk so much. Listen more, you know, people have genuine problems with the media. The media doesn't get the story right.

'Gutfeld!' on American politics making people sick

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'Gutfeld!' panel reacts to new study that reveals'American politics really are making people feel sick.' This is a rush transcript of "Gutfeld" on January 18, 2022. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated. Clap like you're about to die. What a great show we have tonight. Like a packet of smoked meat sticks. We got two Slim Jims. One looks like it escaped serial killer who targets the homeless, and the other one looks like his next victim. Dagen looks like the one who'd find the body while she was jogging and then takes the watch. While Kat takes a kidney. She says it's good for the skin. Now there's a good chance that I make you sick to your stomach, like say a 40 percent chance about the same as you'd get if you eat the clam plate at Denny's. That's according to University of Nebraska experts who claim that four in 10 people cite politics as a top life stressor. It's so bad that it causes insomnia, destroys relationships, and for at least five percent causes them to feel suicidal. And so does watching Emily in Paris, but I'm not quitting that either. In the second season getting picked up for a third. They blame politics for causing fatigue, anger and compulsive behaviors. Quarter claim they're thinking of moving because of the politics in their state, especially California, which explains why you halls are harder to find than an actress with her real nose. And our politicians are suckier. Their faces should be on the back of household cleaning products to induce vomiting if swallowed. And Pelosi's is investment success has raised some eyebrows, including hers to the top of her forehead.

'Gutfeld' on Kamala Harris, study on US demographic populations

FOX News

Gutfeld and guests discuss a study showing that Americans overestimated some demographic populations in the U.S. on'Gutfeld.' This is a rush transcript from "Gutfeld!," This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated. You know, one challenge to do in the news these days is not treating the war like every other story, as entertainment. Here we make the news entertaining, perhaps better than any show that ever came before it. And that our competition over at CNN is as fun as a case of crabs. And not the ones that are delicious with melted butter. But now we run headfirst into daily atrocity. Ukraine is war and it's ugly, with grim imagery and relentless horror stories. But the news requires standard narratives and if you veer off the beaten track, God help you. Other issues demanded the same solemn treatment. I mean, what about the significance of the passage of time, am I right? So when you think about it, there is great significance to the passage of time. And there is such great significance to the passage of time. But, you know, bad news often becomes relentless news. And I get your mail and I get your tweets, so I understand. But the news dictates the mood. It's like those mass shootings, we stop everything to go live to the scene and we repeat the same 90 seconds of information, mainly because it's all the information that we have available. It's not the reporters fault. So it's the number of injured, dead, locations, city shooter repeat.