Let Me Summarize Your Friends' Lengthy, Uninformed Facebook Posts

Huffington Post - Tech news and opinion 

Wish you could read your former high school classmates' hot takes on tragic news stories, but don't have enough time in your day to finish every last egregiously misspelled 50,000-plus-word Facebook status? Well, boy oh boy, have I got an offer for you! Using my only two God-given gifts -- speed-reading and the ability not to punch laptop screens while consuming imbecilic think pieces -- I can read any Facebook status to completion and sum it up in a single, succinct thought. Consider it a highlight reel of your lowlife acquaintances.